I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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