i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
