Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize