i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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