It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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