Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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