It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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