marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
