My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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