my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
