he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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