Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
