My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
