I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
