Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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