you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
