and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize