I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
