apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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