Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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