you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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