A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize