I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
