Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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