So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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