he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
