i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
