and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
