I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
