Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
