Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
