apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
this is an emotional support booty call
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
