so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
