so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
