Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
