I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
