dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
