i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
