This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
