I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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