So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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