I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
