Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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