Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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