can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
