I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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