I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
