You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
