That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
