cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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