mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
