Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
