Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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