ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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