I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
