508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
