you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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