I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
