CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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