i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
