can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
