just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
