I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
