it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
