do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
