She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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