just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
