I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
