So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
