You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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