Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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