my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
