I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
my poor anus
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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