I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
