who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
where does the pee come out of this thing
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
