True but thats because hes a fetus.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
