you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize