Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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