Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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