I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
