There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
