after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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