Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize