dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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